Amity Talks to Women - Part 4
Debbie's Gift is now for sale! Purchase your copy!
WHAT ABOUT KINKS AND FETISHES
What Are Kinks and Fetishes All About?
This section will discuss "kinks" and "fetishes" and
will give you examples of each. Please check out the links so you can
have a picture of the items explored in this part as they are discussed.
We've talked about sexual and non-sexual play and I've mentioned a variety of peccadilloes that some submissive men have. I've alluded to the "styles" of female domination and talked about things that interest you or your partner. In addition, I've written about play styles that don't match a particular couple.
Kinks and fetishes are terms that describe all of these interests and styles. In one sense, they can be understood as those things that "turn you on" and in other cases, "turn you off." As you explore, you'll find that the menu of what's available in the female domination lifestyle is varied and unending. I hope you'll find that many submissive men share FCFs (Fairly Common Fantasies) and that their kinks and fetishes are normal and healthy expressions of their interests and desires.
Women who come to understand their dominant personalities learn that they aren't alone in their feelings and a discussion of kinks and fetishes may help you understand both why you feel like you do and what directions are available for you to explore.
Remember, very often, kinks and fetishes overlap.
What Is A Kink?
A kink is a style or interest a person has very often in the area of sex, sexuality and play. A kink is not usually an object, toy or device. It is more like a sphere of curiosity that she or he wishes to explore or fantasizes about.
What Are Some Common Kinks?
Kinks come in many varieties, and some are sure to surprise you. As I continue in my own journey, I confront kinks that I never knew existed or could even imagine someone would desire. Kinks range from simple to highly complex and cover every step between the two poles.
Don't let any of these categories frighten you. They simply illustrate the wide variety of interest and styles that exist. This list does not mean that your partner is explicitly placed in any one particular category. It does not mean that anyone enjoying a degree of these pursuits is "sick" or "abnormal." Further, people rarely fit into any one particular category; rather, they can share multiple aspects of several. Any style or combination of style, done within the guidelines of safe, sane, consensual and adult, can provide both partners with pleasure bordering on ecstasy.
This is not an exhaustive list; rather, it includes merely some of the more well-known and shared kinks among the Dommes and submissive male partnerships I've met along the way. If you have a question about your partner's kink, click here and send me your question. I'll do my best to answer it.
- Service Submissives
In general, service submissives are men and woman who want to "serve" a dominant partner. In the vernacular, this can include those who find psychological, sexual and/or sensual joy in performing tasks and chores for their partners and their service does not always include some sort of sexual reward or play for their efforts. Service submissives' delight is in the performance of deeds that make their partners happy, although some see their service as part of a larger D/s (Dominance/submission) relationship which includes sexual play as well.
- Sissy Maids
Sissy Maids are men who enjoy dressing up as women, very often in maids' costumes, and perform a heightened level of service, such as serving drinks at a party. These men are not necessarily transvestites and don't always see their goal as cross-dressing outside a particular time and place.
- Governess Fantasies
Governess Fantasies are held predominantly by men who seek to take the role of being a young boy in the care of a stern or authoritarian governess. The games involved in this fantasy include being treated like a child and sometimes include caning (a form of spanking) with certain implements. In many cases, the specific implement is very important to the fantisizer.
- Forced Feminization
Forced feminization means that men want to be "forced" to dress up as women. Sometimes they see this as a case of degradation or humiliation. At other times it's interpreted as having to submit to a strong woman's will that they dress up in lingerie or clothing that is often seen in society as embarrassing to a man.
- Pain Sluts
This complex fantasy involves people who enjoy and desire pain. Although difficult for many new to this world to understand, those who enjoy painful experiences have learned how to take the pain inside themselves and use the "rush" they feel to achieve heightened sensation.
- Sensation Sluts
Sensation players are those who enjoy the feelings generated by a wide variety of experiences that touch all of their five senses. Some players enjoy tactile stimulation, like floggers as well as fingernails, and others find the elimination of sensation (sensory deprivation) to be a stimulating experience. People who enjoy this kink might also enjoy nipple clamps, gags, collars, vibrators and plugs.
- Slaves
Using the term "slave" may be terrifying to people who are just dipping their toes into the waters of female domination. Yet the word, when used in a D/s context, is almost impossible to define as many people have different opinions as to what constitutes "slavery" in wittwd. Fundamentally, a "slave" is a person who has chosen to cede personal freedom to a dominant partner. The extent of that yielding of freedom varies widely. However, "slavery" is one of the well-known kinks that give sensual, sexual and psychological excitement to some.
- Spank-o-philes
There is a large community of people who enjoy spanking and being spanked. Just like the other kinks on this list, spanking covers a wide variety of taste and desire. Some enjoy ritual spanking in which the spanker is dressed a particular way (for example, as a teacher or businesswoman) and others prefer spanking that is used as a punishment for humiliation (in which, perhaps, the person spanked is forced to count the strokes or thank the spanker for each). Spanking, in one form or another, is probably the most common bedroom game that adults play.
There are many, many other genres of kinks that are equally important to those who practice or yearn for them.
What Is A Fetish?
A fetish usually involves a particular item or trigger that causes some sort of psychological, sensual or sexual response in a person. Unlike a kink, which is a style, a fetish is very often an object or "thing" and can sometimes include a person dressed in a particular article of clothing or style of attire, such as a teacher or governess.
Fetishes cover such a wide range of topics that it would be impossible to list them exhaustively. Instead, I am going to include a partial list of fetish objects that I have come across in my journey. Many of these fetish objects have been described to me by my own submissives, as well as by Dommes and submissives who write to me or with whom I've had conversations at a variety of forums or gatherings.
I have linked some of the fetish objects so you can click to see what each looks like.
- Paddles and Canes
In general, people who liked to be spanked enjoy particular spanking objects. Two popular items are paddles and canes. A paddle can be any sort of flat object, and their shape can be round, square, rectangular or unique. They can be made out of wood or leather or plastic and can be adorned with a variety of decorations.
Canes are more of a specialty item and being caned is such a popular fantasy that choosing a particular cane and composition is very important to the user or recipient. In fact, some people are turned off by a certain type of cane but can be aroused almost instantly if they merely view a particular type of cane.
- Whips and Floggers
Whips and floggers usually connote a deeper level of fetish because very often they involve receiving (or giving) a more intense level of pain. Much like paddles and canes, the texture and composition of a whip or flogger matters dearly to the recipient. Whips are generally made of leather whereas floggers can be leather, suede, rubber, plastic and more.
- Bondage Restraints
For many people, being restrained during play is a turn-on and the type of restraint used is of particular importance. Leather is the only choice for some while others prefer metal. There is a rich and varied supply of bondage restraints which is due, in part, to the extensive popularity of this particular fetish field.
- Sensation
Toys
Sensation toys are those items that produce a variety of sensory input for the recipients. People can be aroused by seeing or feeling a particular toy touch or simply be near their bodies and many fantasize and are aroused by their fantasies of these objects.
- Cock & Ball "Torture" (CBT)
This entire fetish area comes with a disclaimer. Users should read and learn about safety before embarking on CBT play. Even if CBT is a fetish of yours or your Dominant, I encourage you to understand that this particular fetish can cause permanent and painful damage when used indiscriminately or outside the guidelines of safe, sane, consensual and adult.
- Anal Play
Anal play is an area that some find abhorrent and others enjoy immensely. With the disclaimer that cleanliness *is* safety in this fetish area, I work with the policy that any toy that is worn internally belongs to the user. If a submissive wishes to engage in anal play, I make sure he has his own insertable toys and I always use latex gloves. In general, the word "dildo" refers to an object inserted vaginally and a "plug" is inserted anally.
A note of caution: ALWAYS use lubricants generously when indulging in this fetish.
There are many other fetishes that are not bondage gear or sex toys. These include:
- Clothing: Some people have fetish objects that are clothing. Many
men, in particular, seem to have certain leather clothing as their
fetish object. This may include "Hollywood Domme" clothing
such as leather bustiers, garter belts, stockings, catsuits and similar.
There is a large group of men who consider business woman's clothing
to be their fetish while others know that "teacher garb" turns
them on.
- Shoes: Perhaps the "Leather Boot Fetish" is the
most common male clothing fetish I've come across and there is a significant
market for those attracted to sneakers (where sometimes the brand matters).
Merely allowing certain men to smell or lick your leather shoes can
cause them to climax.
- Humiliating/Derogatory Words: A significant group
of male submissives react to certain humiliating or derogatory name-calling
that I am beginning to consider it a fetish. These men have the ability
to experience sensual or sexual delight from either a barrage of or
carefully placed phrases that demean them. Words that are included
in this category include slut, whore, bitch, pussyboy and similar.
- Training: There is a large contingent of male submissives who yearn for "training," which is a loose collection of exercises usually enforced by a Domme in which men perform certain actions in order to "learn how to be a submissive." Many Dominant Women enjoy training male submissives in the Dominant's own style so that they can please her by doing things in the way she prescribes. Very often, training involves some sort of punishment for acts either not performed correctly or at all. Part of the training play very often involves both performance and punishment activities.
I hope you haven't been frightened or dissuaded by reading these descriptions of kinks and fetishes. My goal is to show you that there is an immense diversity in the styles and objects that can be used in your journey toward expressing dominance in your relationship with your partner. Use this wide array of choices as a sort of shopping list and select those that intrigue you. Remember also that your partner's kink or fetish should be incorporated somewhere in your play so that both parties achieve satisfaction. You might even find that you can use his fetish or kink to your advantage. All it takes is a creative mind.